Saturday 14 May 2016

32 Week Update (Oops!)

How am I here at 32 weeks?! Also, how on earth has is taken me this long to update my blog?! Probably because I've been pretty darn busy! Life has been full of midwife appointments, scans, consultant appointments, work and spending time as a couple (plus dog). I'm not complaining though, I've needed the routine and focus to keep me going from one day to the next. As it gets closer to "D-Day" I'm feeling more and more panicked and I feel like I need constant distractions to keep my mind from drifting to the negatives.

I would say "mentally" I'm doing OK. There's a lot of ups and downs recently. I'm missing Freddie a lot recently, more so than usual. I think it's partially because it's nearly been a year since we lost him and partially because I'm scared how having another baby will impact on my relationship with him. I'm also feeling anger more than usual too...angry I wasn't given more attentive care last time (another pregnant woman with the same dipped uterus and breech baby was given consultant care and a c-section at 37 weeks...her baby lived). I'm also angry I can't just sit back and relax in this pregnancy. I don't want to spend every second with my hand on my bump, trying to work out if that was a kick or if I'm imaging it and baby hasn't moved all day. Pregnancy after loss is hard, that is one big fact.

Physically on the other hand, I'm doing pretty good (thank god). Today is my last day at work and I think that was the best possible decision. I have to walk 15 minutes, catch a bus for 20 minutes and then walk for another 10 minutes before I even start work. It can be exhausting, especially when it's a hot day and a man with hygiene issues sits next to you on the bus! I was coping but coming home with swollen feet after a shift to then have to cook/clean/wash/walk the dog really takes it out of me...which then impacts my emotions...which then impacts my relationships with people. I'm looking forward to finally being able to relax and do things in my own time. Fidgety legs are becoming a pretty regular feature in my life, closely followed by night-time leg cramps. The indigestion has started to calm down now since I cut out red meat and white bread but it occasionally comes back to haunt me. Also, on a side note, I've managed to grow myself a fringe. My hair just doesn't stop growing and it's literally sprouting out the front of my head like I've hacked at my hair to try and make an awful full fringe. Although, I'll be thankful for that extra hair when it's falling out after birth!

Scans and appointments have been going well too. Baby is measuring well, albeit with a slightly large head. They've tried to assure me is fine and just down to the fact Mattie and I have large heads and also because the positioning of his head makes it tricky to measure. Which leads me on to the fact that he is head down *yay* for now. A massive reassurance to me as we lost Freddie due to his breech positioning. We've briefly discussed a birth plan and it's looking likely that I'll be induced at 39 weeks, but I'm betting on him coming at around 37/38 weeks.

Hopefully I'll be doing another update before Baby H is here and hopefully it'll be going just as smoothly as it is now.


32 weeks down, 6 weeks *until I'm induced* to go