Friday 15 January 2016

The Dating Scan



Aaaand breathe. I made it, I survived a scan and I came out with the news we had only dreamed of 6 months ago. We are definitely having a baby, a baby that is so far healthy and has a strong, beating heart. Which at this point, is all we can ask for I suppose.

The pre-scan part was hard, I can't lie. We spent the day staying distracted...watching Lord Of The Flies, window shopping and having a meal before the oh-so-familiar drive to the hospital. I don't really remember the happy scans with Freddie there. I remember driving up there when we were seeing him for the last time before he was moved to the funeral home, closer to us. I tried not to think of that when we drove there this time but it still crept up on me like it always does.

In the waiting room I felt close to a panic attack. I felt angry too. I recognised one woman, she was a year or two above me at school...I could just about remember her name. She was irritating me, nattering away excitedly to her mum whilst her boyfriend sat bored on his phone. I wasn't angry at her as a person, just the fact that she could be so happy and carefree. I wanted that back. Instead I sat with a sick feeling, my heart racing and I whispered to Mattie that I wanted to leave. Luckily he didn't let me and reassured me, as always that it would be "fine".

Then before I knew it, there I was on the bed with that cold jelly on my stomach. All of a sudden a baby was on the screen. "Look, there's the little heartbeat" the sonographer announced before I even had a chance to worry. I noticed the baby looked far more developed than Freddie did at 12 weeks, in fact I thought it looked more like him at 20 weeks! I had to roll onto my side so we could check measurements and this baby was measuring at 15+2 weeks so a lot bigger than the 13 weeks they had written down. Mattie then asked "so is there any chance we can tell the sex then?". Luckily our sonographer was very accommodating and said she would have a cheeky look for us! I won't be saying what the result was until we've had it confirmed at the 20 week scan though...you know, just in case it changes!

After that was all done (our little peanut even waved goodbye!) we saw a midwife to go over the results. Everything was looking good so far and she booked me an appointment to see a consultant so we would be able to discuss the care plan for this baby and myself! I finally felt like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. We looked at the scan photos and laughed at the little snub nose (different to Freddie's button nose) and full pouty lips (the same as Freddie).

I've made it past the first trimester and I'm one step closer to meeting this little bubba. I have a long, anxious and uncertain road ahead but one thing I am sure of it that my heart is utterly full of love already.

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